Luke does a far better job of explaining this form than I ever could so please go to
One Stop Form – Octain week 2 – Guest hosted by Luke Prater
to understand it better.
Thanks Luke, for the challenge and the advice.
Wind
The changing wind tears through the trees
whose thrashing branches flog the air
which flees, loud wailing in despair
The anguished branch so sadly sees
its ravaged leaves and, rocking, grieves
in mourning for the soft spring breeze.
Still pressure driven from elsewhere,
the wind of change tears through the trees.
The wind of change tears through the ease
of men just dozing in their chairs
ignoring all but little cares
It has no pity on the pleas,
what they believe gains no reprieve
when faced with inequalities.
When revolution’s pressure flares
the wind of change tears through the trees.
Love the flow - it reads so easily - lovely poem !
ReplyDeleteHello! Winds of change? We match in more ways than having the same name ourselves!! Loved this!
ReplyDeleteThis rolls off the tongue and I love the turn in the middle both of meaning and the refrain. masterful.
ReplyDeleteCarefully wrought stanzas with the metaphor working in different ways through each. This flows naturally and easily. I expect it took a while to carve out. Well done. Gay
ReplyDeleteGood morning Penny! This is wonderful! Love it!
ReplyDeletePenny you nailed this !!
ReplyDeleteLove it !
Blow those winds of change Pen, excellent high octain, I chickened on the doubler lol
ReplyDeleteNice switch of refrain and good theme
ReplyDeleteLovely combination... timely in light of the disaster in Joplin, Missouri
ReplyDeleteYour subtle shift in the refrain is fabulous and carries the transition of thought through the piece. Wonderful use of the High Octain form. I enjoyed this.
ReplyDeleteBeth
Very nice! High Octain - and in iambic tetrameter too... you nailed the form and have some lovely lines of poetry here. I particularly like the subtle (I assume not a typo?) change in the third refrain from 'trees' to 'ease'; what a difference it makes to the sense in that passage. It lend the piece more interest and just enough difference at that point where two identical consecutive refrain lines can in some contexts seem too repetitive.
ReplyDeleteFavourite lines I think are these two so full of raw poetry of the anthropomorphic/pathetic fallacy variety -
The anguished branch so sadly sees
its ravaged leaves and, rocking, grieves >superb...
Great piece
Luke
Thanks Everyone. I did mean ease in that refrain, Luke. I'm please you thought it worked.
ReplyDeleteReally nice Octain Penny! The changing refrain carries you message beautifully. ~ Rose
ReplyDeleteVery accomplished use of the rhyme-scheme. I liked the way you made the first octain quite literal, and the second a metaphor.
ReplyDeleteeven though I don't know enought to give a opinion as to the merits of the particular form of poetry that is being attempted,I really enjoy what you write so well every day.Thanks for the beauty you allow into my life.
ReplyDeleteLovely, gone with the wind!
ReplyDelete