Ode to my Reflection

Thou riseth from the water like a whale

To spout and blow and breathe in steamy air,

With fish-white belly and with skin so pale

And eyes so small and bead-like as they stare.

And like the whale you hoot and wail a tune

Which surely sounds much better aqueous?

You flounder on the land as on a dune

A stranded whale would surely wallow thus.

But no, a whale would have more muscle tone

Beneath the blubber tautening her skin

While you would surely sink just like a stone

If you were by the sea and so fell in.

Cetacean like though thou may thus appear

You really need to lose some pounds my dear.

I nearly called this "Where Not To Hang A Mirror"