Thou riseth from the water like a whale
To spout and blow and breathe in steamy air,
With fish-white belly and with skin so pale
And eyes so small and bead-like as they stare.
And like the whale you hoot and wail a tune
Which surely sounds much better aqueous?
You flounder on the land as on a dune
A stranded whale would surely wallow thus.
But no, a whale would have more muscle tone
Beneath the blubber tautening her skin
While you would surely sink just like a stone
If you were by the sea and so fell in.
Cetacean like though thou may thus appear
You really need to lose some pounds my dear.
I nearly called this "Where Not To Hang A Mirror"